no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
