You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
