I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
