C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just google imaged poop.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
