I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
