so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
