I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
