It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
