I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
