I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
