I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
