Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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