I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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