i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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