i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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