Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
