Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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