when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
