I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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