Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
