Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
