It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
