the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
