paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
