just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
