bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
