How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
