Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
