Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
