...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
