i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
