Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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