i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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