So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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