Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
