sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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