Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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