margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
