i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
