my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
