Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
