Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
