At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
