planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
