I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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