hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
