Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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