He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
