I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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