I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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