Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
